Can I Handle Casual Sex?


Bella, 22, straight: I am at a point in my life where I don't want to be in a relationship, but I really enjoy sex. So I like to have sex without attachment. But sometimes it's difficult for me to keep my feelings out. I develop feelings for the person, even though I don't like much about them, after I slept with him. So I'm wondering: Is casual sex really for me? Or is it more difficult than it is good for me? Should I stop and wait for a person I really want a relationship with?

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First of all, it is the 21st century and there is absolutely nothing wrong with casual sex, whether you're a girl or a boy as long as you're being safe and both consenting.

But the fact is, it can be emotionally exhausting. Especially for us girls, we are meant to make babies and form a family and that's exactly what our body is telling us to do. (With a bloody message every month to remind us that we have once again missed the chance of creating life.) Whether we like it or not. So having sex with no further intentions can be tricky, to say the least.

Sooner or later our intellectual mind will collide with our natural instincts. And when that happens you need to have a plan. You need to be sure about what is the right thing for you to do, what is good for you in the long run.

And this is different for each and every person. Some find it easier to control their inner momster, some have no chance, other than to fall in love with each and every guy, blinded from every flaw and character trait that they would normally be bothered by a lot. 

So it's all about finding out what works for you. Sometimes the very short lasting pleasure is not worth the stress. It seems like you do enjoy casual sex, and like you are in fact painfully aware of those feelings you get. That's a good sign because it means you can control them.

All of that said, it can get exhausting and quite draining, having to deal with that all the time. So what I would advise is, that moderation is key. Don't do it all the time, a knowledge the fact that it comes with a prize and needs to be handled with care. Maybe do your best at picking guys that you have a good balance with. They should make you feel good, never about yourself. They should respect you just as much as you need to respect them.

If you can talk openly about what each of you wants and where it is going, that's great.If you're honest with yourself then you won't be so bothered that feelings pop up. Because you will know how to handle them, to analyze whether it's just your body telling you to reproduce or whether there's more. Don't close yourself off to the possibility that something more could develop out of what starts as a one-night-stand. That's incredibly common these days and completely fine.

So enjoy it, feel empowered, stay in control, don't forget to put yourself first, be safe and have fun!

Love,

Emma x


How do you guys see it? Any more opinions, advice, factors you see? Let her know in the comments!