When Is It Time to Quit A Friendship?
We all know that friend, that you always keep losing contact with, you message each other every now and then and sometimes it’s time to meet up again and you don’t really want to but you can’t come up with any more excuses and you also feel like you owe them some of your time again. And after you’ve seen each other, you say it’s been nice and we have to do this again soon, but you really feel that relieve, that it’s finally done and maybe that is because that friend keeps telling you all about their problems and you feel like their psychiatrist, but you have enough problems on your own and that friend asks you about them, but you don’t feel like telling them, because you know it won’t be helpful anyways because they might make it about them again, or simply don’t know how to give any helpful advice whatsoever. Or maybe you just can't really get the conversation going, because you can’t find any common interests anymore. You simply don't connect in a way you do with some other friends.
“Stop saying yes to shit you hate.”
But unlike a significant other, with friendships, we keep hanging on to them. We carry them with us, never making a decision, so just dragging the baggage.We don’t choose as specifically, we kind of just take what we get. And that's obviously a good thing most of the time to be open and welcoming to new friends because with friends you can have as many as you want, you're not limited in any way. But I found in my life that this is an important and helpful lesson to learn to really do a sort out every now and then. To analyze what people bring to your life you and how much of you they take.
“Quality over quantity is key when it comes to friendships.”
And honestly quality over quantity is key. It really feels like a spring closet clear out, when you get radical and finally let go of that jacket you bought five years ago, that you really don’t like to wear but you do sometimes just because it was so bloody expensive but it’s giving you that bad gut feeling every time you look at it. It’s always a tough decision to make, to go out of your way to change something in your life, because we know the easy way is, to stay put, and just let everything happen as it naturally would. But as we deep down know there’s always a right way and an easy way. We even say it out loud all the time, “oh I should work out right now”, “I would feel so good after”, “I shouldn’t eat this”, but we too often just let our natural instincts rule over our intellectual mind. It improves the quality of your life when you start forcing yourself to make a conscious decision and hold ourselves accountable. Every time you realize you’re telling yourself to do something and don’t actually intend to do it, stop yourself for a moment and ask, whether you are going to do it or not. And stick to it.
“There’s always a right way and an easy way to do things.”
What I’m trying to say is, you always know when a friendship is just a bit exhausting, you don’t feel like it fuels you in the direction you want to go, it doesn’t make you any happier and you don’t think that you would miss it a lot, then it’s probably a stone tied to your foot. Weighing you down. And that doesn’t in any way mean that he or she is a bad person, and neither are you for thinking the way you are, sometimes (and not that rare at all) two people are not good for each other, even toxic. It’s like a chemical reaction with two substances that are either great together or it just goes a bit wrong. That’s fine. You couldn't have known. You have to try it out and after a shorter or longer while you just know. And then it’s just very mature and fair to tell the person straight up. Just as you would break up with a partner you tell them the truth. We rarely do it with friends, even though it’s just as necessary and probably easier since you have other friends and new ones will come faster than you know.
So don’t waste your time, energy or nerves on anybody. Focus on yourself and the people that are really important to you instead. In my opinion mainly yourself. We use way too little time to focus on getting to know and love yourself even though that should always be number one on our list.
“If you’re not losing friends you're not growing up.”